I am a poor self-diagnostician. And it has taken the arrival of severe trial for me to wake up and realize how much some ignored issues have caused problems deep within me. I have ignored depression and anxiety symptoms for years. I've tried to cover the hurt and brokenness that is unresolved within me with accomplishments, achievements, and my public persona. All of this has, of course, caused a major abesence in my life and in my family: me. And my failure to do the work I should have done a long time ago has led to intense hurt on the part of my family, especially on the part of the woman I pledged to honor and support, cherish and stand beside nine and a half years ago.
But thankfully, ours is a God of redemption. Ours is a God of healing. God has redeemed worse problems and healed bigger hurts, so it is to him I go; it is him I trust in this time. And in order for the redemption and healing I seek to come about, my relationship with him and with my family has got to be tended to. God's desire is not to enhance the plans of my own choosing; God's desire is to completely transform me and use me within his plan. There is a tremendous amount of work for me to do. There is much work for God to do within me. The road ahead promises to be long and difficult. But by the grace of God I do not travel it alone. And I know as long as I hold tight to his hand and am obedient to him he will lead the way and keep me on the right path.
I sincerely hope it will be with understanding that you receive the news that this blog will be inactive indefinitely. I am not shutting it down, as I hope this letter may serve as inspiration for others to begin the journey towards healing that I have so reluctantly begun. Additionally, I hope for, nay, covet your prayers. As you great saints of the Church continually lift your prayers to God, please add my cause to your own.