I was next door today at Bethany Lutheran dropping something off and visiting with my friend Pastor Scott, when the church custodian came up to us and said we had to come see something. There, right in the middle of the church lobby, suspended from the ceiling, was a bat. The church ladies had seen it in the basement the day before and were unable to shoo it out of the building. So Scott decided to do what men do and take down the venerable menace.
At first, the plan was to hold up a baggie, knock it down from the ceiling and into the baggie, and then release it into the wild. But just as soon as he grabbed the bat he felt the wings expand and start flapping and the pinch of it's wildly flailing legs. It's a good thing he managed to get it by the abdomen so it couldn't bite him. I've heard that rabies shots are really painful.
The shock of the experience caused him to drop the bat to the floor. There it lay, motionless, but still alive...probably as terrified as us. So the custodian did the next logical thing. As I held open the doors of the building she nudged at the creature with a feather duster, hoping it would stir and fly out the doors. But it didn't. It simply latched on to the feather duster and wouldn't let go. So we carried it outside, where it did nothing.
This whole thing was a new experience to me. And I'm also a big fan of the opportunistic practical joke. So I picked up the bat by the feather duster and proceded to walk next door and give my wife a nice surprise...one I'm sure she'd appreciate.
But as I passed by an Evergreen the bat released the feather duster and headed for the bristly mess of needles below.
I told my wife about the ordeal later that day. She told me, "You better be glad you didn't get that thing over here." And I saw her shudder from head to toe. I knew the opportunity for a strike would soon present itself.
Later, at about dusk, I walked out the back door of the house and under the back porch awning and said, loud enough for her to hear me, "Well, well, well!"
"What?" came her voice from the inside.
"Come here and see," I said.
She walked over to the door just as I said. "The bat made his way over here." I cupped my hands together and pretended to be throwing something her direction.
I've never seen a woman scream quite like that.
It's beyond amusing. It's almost divine.